Fuelled by so much clarity and excitement, I was ready to send my resignation email to my boss. As there was no internet, I just couldn’t. So I called my family to share my newfound purpose, having discussed with her before I’d left my profound ill-being. Who else than my family would I want to share this with? We’ve always been there for one another. And there it started.
‘Don’t you think you’re making a hasty decision? Is this really what you want? You’ll want to still be able to buy new clothes and go out to nice places when you get bored with that. I don’t think this is reasonable. If you really want time off, ask for a sabbatical. Don’t cut the bridge with your boss or the company. You’ve worked so hard to get here, surely all this sacrifice is not for nothing.’
Here it was. The guillotine blade. Robbing my newly found enthusiasm. Killing the flower that had finally blossomed after a decade in London. Holding back the butterfly by its fragile wings and destroying them. Chop chop. Back to reality. My heart chakra (I didn’t know much about that at the time!) dimming once more, I hoped not for another decade.
And that’s how I got lured back into corporate life. Influenced by my family. Back to London and this artificial life, cut out of any sense of reality. (We later spoke about it and they explained where they were coming from, wanting the best for me).
I did speak to my boss upon my return and asked for a sabbatical. What I got was ‘here’s a shiny new project to stretch you, challenge you, and ‘develop’ you further. A sabbatical, yeah for a couple of months once we get to the implementation stage of this project, but first, get it off the ground’.
Promises of new shiny horizons with Google and a large consultancy firm working on AI and ML. I knew I was back to being chained as a corporate slave. And as I hadn’t healed completely, I couldn’t unchain myself yet.
A year or so later I got the best piece of advice from a dear friend, and that is ‘not to share these life-changing projects with loved ones until it’s too late to stop them. Their objections are not bad intentioned. They just want what’s best for us according to their standards. But they’re not us. Even if we had the same upbringing. Only we know what is best for us.’
Would love to hear if you have been in a similar situation. Comment / reply / share and make sure you sign up to the newsletter to find out what happens next.
With Much Love,
Heidi
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